equivalent to morning wood, but infinitely more manly and more girthy sounding.
"Man, this morning lumber is no joke. That's the second pair of Levi's I've torn through this week!"
I had such fat morning wood, it would take a lumberjack to cut that shit down.
Liz's most noticeable feature as she woke up was her morning breath. For Mark though, it was definitely his morning lumber. It nearly bruised her ribs as he rolled over.
An alternative to showering
When a person is late, or just lazy, and instead of showering they put on a hat and apply a generous dose of Axe body spray
I woke up 5 minutes before class started today, so I had to hat and axe it with all the rush.
Dude, we're just going to the mall. Stop being such a nancy and just hat and axe it.
He's been hat and axing it for 2 days now. Keep a safe distance cause he smells like a bucket of ass.
Scott: "You've got a date tonight. Aren't you going to shower?"
Roommate: "No man, she's fat and I kinda think she has herpes. I'm just gonna hat and axe it."
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